It's what's inside that counts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I just got 2 JJ Heller CD's today. I was very excited to listen to my new CD's on the way home from church. Little did I know that my listening pleasure would be postponed. For some reason CD makers feel the need to conceal their songs in Kryptonite. Hey, I'm just opening a CD, to hear a little music, not unlocking nuclear launch codes at NORAD. The effort and determination needed to open one of these miniature Fort Knox's is great. So, to help everyone out I'm going to tell you what seems to work best for opening CD's while driving home from church. First, you'll need to hold the CD so you have access to the thin side. Then you forcefully rake your bottom eye tooth (I like to use the left 1) across the plastic wrap several times to rip open the first impenetrable barrier to listening enjoyment. 2nd you must peel off the tape stickers on each side, which seems easy enough,but the amount of brute force needed is absurd, and calculated in my car to be at just over 317lbs of pressure per sq inch; which I just found out, interestingly enough, is also the exact amount of pressure it takes to rip your thumb nail off. This quality tape breaks and shreds off into small enough pieces that can only be measured by an electron microscope. Which means you'll have to dig your nailess thumb 82 times over this area. So in review, as I pull into my driveway the only "music" I heard on the way home was.....the raking of my teeth on a CD case, and the girlish like shrills of me loosing my thumbnail. No wonder I steal most of my songs from Limewire. I hope the CD still plays with this much blood on it.